journal entries

okay i lied i didn't make a rant about being neurodivergent (yet) but i did start a page for my favorite dog breeds (
here) and i just finished the spranos so i started a page where i will rant about it (here). hint: i am devastated. other than that i am doing well. my therapist broke up with me a couple weeks ago so i'm seeing my old therapist on friday. i liked him a lot better anyway. will continue to update whenever i feel like it. alright that's all byebye.

eventually i'd like to split my journal into months but i have so few right now that i can't justify making a whole nother page for more...mayhaps i'll do like january-march or something like that. i have a bit of free time now n i'm feeling motivated to update so i think i'll make a little neurodivergency rant since it's been on my mind lately lol. if it's not linked here yet then it's not ready, but if it is then go check it out i suppose. i've been really busy with school n dealing with weird dysphoria things lately (grrr). oh you know what else i wanna do. i'm almost done watching the sopranos and i fell down a massive james gandolfini hole the other day so i might make a page about that too. omg. i've been drawing a lot more too which is really exciting. it makes me happy to make cool things :D

i made it to campus! it's been good so far. yesterday i got coffee with a friend and we danced around in her dorm. after an hour of that i suddenly remembered that i take meds and that i hadn't taken them yet so i ran back to my room (lol). i called my friends from home for a while and ended up drawing, which i don't usually do. i'll have to make a spot on here to post the things i make in my journal. i kept getting spooked because i'm in my suite alone and i kept thinking the door was gonna open, but my friends made me feel safe. i was able to get a good amount of sleep here (my bed is very cozy :D), which i was pleasantly surprised by as i haven't been able to fall asleep easily without the use of alcohol recently. i accomplished the goals i had in mind for today already (shower and get dressed) so i'm feeling good about that. some more good news: my roommate arrives today! we don't have anything planned but i'm excited to see them :>

i feel really happy recently, so i'm not sure why i keep drinking. i've gotten drunk the past 5 days and it's fun but also really tiring. i'm drunk right now (sigh) so i hope this makes sense. i can't get out of bed before 2pm for the life of me even though i've been waking up earlier. i feel different about starting the semester this time. i've always been really excited to go back to school, but this time i'm scared of being depressed again. i'm glad my access to alcohol will be limited, though. i'm taking classes i really like this semester because i finished all my gen eds! i'm taking intermediate portuguese, intro to brazilian culture, politics in film, interpersonal communication, and intro to sociology. for anyone who doesn't know, i'm majoring in communications and double minoring in portuguese and film. i have one portuguese class left after this semester! i'm a little sad about it, but also really proud. i'm hoping to become a portuguese tutor this semester :) i'm excited to be back on campus, but as an autistic person, change is really scary. even though i've experienced what it's like to be on campus during a pandemic, it's still really scary to switch from vacation mode to school mode. i hope the transition will be easier this time. that's all i have for now. i wish everyone in college a good semester. you guys will rock it i'm sure of it.

it's been a little bit since i updated...oops. i ran out of ideas for a second, but i've got a couple new ones. being neurodivergent is wacky in that i have the ability to be super invested in someting for a little while and then completely forget about it in a week or two (sigh). my hobbies are the one thing that make me feel like a person? so without them i feel really lost. the in-betwee-hobbies period is really frustrating. i'm constantly looking for things to stimulate my brain and when i can't find that it's really terrible lol. anyways... i'm going back to college in a week and a half and i'm really looking forward to it. i've really been getting on my mom's nerves lately. i spent a weekend with my best friends last week and it felt nice to get away for a second. if you want to see what we were up to you can visit my pal rivers' page where he documented everything we did. i miss them dearly and i hope i get to see them again soon.

hello epic sexies! i haven't worked on my website in a couple days because i tired myself out the first couple days working 13+ hours a day (urghhh hyperfixations) but i have some ideas that i'm really excited to get working on (including a yellow page which i'm super super passionate about!). i've been struggling a lot with alcohol recently, but i've been doing really well mood wise since upping my antidepressant dosage, so i don't feel hopeless like i would have a couple months ago. it's more something that i know i can conquer and i don't blame myself for slipping up on (which is immense progress and something i'm really proud of!). if anyone reading this is dealing with the same thing, you will get though this! i believe in you and we are in this together! anyway it's 4am and i'm losing my mind thinking about all the things i want to do with this website. i'm so happy to have something productive to invest my time in, i haven't had something like this in a while:)

oh boy! my first entry! i've never been super great at keeping a diary outside of my daylio app, but i will try to update this as often as possible :D i created yellow frog last night and i've made a lot of progress already! i love how my studio ghibli page turned out, it's my favorite so far. i'm currently working out my goldfinch page, but i have so many feelings i'm having trouble putting them into words...sigh..i was really against making a website at first, but after some convincing from my friends who have websites of their own, i caved in and decided i woud try it out and i'm really enjoying it. i'm excited to have something to do for the next couple weeks before heading back to college. i had a really rough time last semester, but after being home and spending time calling my friends and focusing more on myself and healing, i feel more confident in this upcoming semester. anyways, i look forward to updating this site and turning it into something i'm proud of!